Friday, January 9, 2009

A man's perspective, here we go

It is going on two weeks now since my wife Cyndi was diagnosed with cancer, or has it been longer? It sure seems like it has been a life time event. Where is time going, so much to discuss, so many feelings and emotions to share with each other. The time alone, without her in my presence scares the life out of me. The thought of her not being here and not being able to beat this cancer...No way! She will win this!
So here is my perspective for those men, or women here that want to hear it like it is, this is how I feel.
Scared, alone, beaten with a ball bat in my stomach. Then came the tears, along with words that did not come out right. Questions, a ton of them. How, why, when, how bad, how long, where do we go for help, who does what? Are we sure this doctor will do the right job? All these words seemed to mean something, didn't they?

Then, as time settled and I was able to listen to Cyndi explain what we were up against, a calm started to slightly come about. I say slightly because I do not think I will ever have a peace of mind regarding this thing called cancer, that is threatening the life of the person I cherish. How could this happen to her, after all she just came through a brain tumor removal a year and a half ago.

It seems like birthdays really do suck, pardon my french, but they do. Let me tell you why. Cyndi had her seizures on my birthday, August 24th, and when did she go in for her removal of her tumor in her breast? On her birthday, December 18th, (oh, did I mention she made 50 now?) LOL, well she did. She is catching up with me. OK, back to the story. I guess I am trying to throw out to the men here especially, how it feels to have this happen to your loved one. I am learning to keep my mouth shut as much as possible, and to listen and bring in all I can she is telling me. Men, you will not catch it all, oh you will think you did, but you won't. The shock has something to do with it, and you will continue to ask the same question later, maybe a few times, but it will sink in as time goes on.
I think this is enough for now. I do want to say I am thankful for this site. I know Cyndi and I will try and be a part of helping anyone we can. Thanks Molly for being here, Cyndi and you truely are sisters, so many of you out here are very special ladies. SHMILY, that was for Cyndi.
Semper Fi.........Always faithful.

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